Look up to the Sky
by Ijustwantyoutoknow
Summary: After encountering Carl Buford for the third time, Derek is struggling. Spencer sees this on the jet going home but his lover disappears. When Reid finds Derek, he is looking up to the sky. SpencerxDerek...set after Restoration. One-shot.


**So I've never written this pairing before, or really shipped them. But for some reason, as I was watching this episode I was really feeling the Sperek. And thus, this fanfiction happened. I'm not really sure how I feel about it yet...so hopefully I get some kind feedback.**

**Disclaimer: I really really don't own CM. If you think I do, take a look at my bank account. **

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**Look up to the Sky, a Sperek Fanfiction**

_"There is no shortage of fault to be found amid our stars" -John Green_

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"You better man up, boy. Look up to the sky."

Derek Morgan sat alone on the jet in silence. He stared straight ahead into the air between him and the seat before him.

His hands were folded on the table, his Ipod and headphones still tucked neatly inside of his bag. They weren't touched the entire ride.

The team was mostly focused on Derek, wondering if he was okay after the last case, wondering if Buford had finally managed to break him the third time around. The focus of the team was on Derek.

Maybe that's was why nobody noticed how Reid had only turned one page the entire jet ride home.

The genius was worried about Derek, very worried. When the man had started telling the story to the entire team, Reid wanted to hold him. He wanted to hold him the way he had when Derek told him his story one of those late nights they shared together.

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**Flashback**

_Tears rolled slowly down Derek Morgan's cheeks. The room around him was dark, except for the small night light plugged into the wall across the room, added just for Reid._

_Reid. The man who was squeezing his hands now as they sat across from each other on the bed. He couldn't see his lover's face. He was keeping his eyes downcast because he couldn't bring himself to look at Spencer._

_He was so ashamed, but Spencer had to know. He had to know everything._

_"I let him take me to his cabin. I didn't understand that there might have been ulterior motives, I was just a kid."_

_He paused for a moment, neither of them breaking the thin silence._

_"He'd give me wine, and then he'd, he'd..." Morgan took a deep, shuddering breath. He couldn't keep his emotions in. He also didn't know what he was feeling. Fear, regret, pain, shame, loneliness._

_"He'd molest me." Morgan squeezed his eyes shut, "And he'd tell me every time he could see that I wanted him to stop, 'You better man up, boy. Look up to the sky.'"_

_Spencer had gathered Derek in his arms, as the strong man succumbed to tears._

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Derek disappeared when the jet landed.

Nobody on the team stayed to do paperwork, the emotional exhaustion of a case so close to one of their own affecting them.

"Take the day off tomorrow. We aren't supposed to be on shift." Hotch had said in his quiet voice, making eye contact with the entire team except Morgan, as he was missing.

Reid wondered where he'd run off to. As he clumsily grabbed his paperwork, shoving it in the messenger bag he'd had for years, he scampered to the elevator. Pressing the speed dial for Derek, Spencer pressed the phone to his ear, willing his boyfriend to pick up.

"You've reached Supervisory Special Agent Derek Morgan, I am unable to come to the phone right now..."

Spencer huffed and hung up, tapping his foot while he waited for the elevator to take him to the exit.

He called again and again until he was parked in Derek's driveway. Reid located the key to Derek's house and shoved it in the lock, his stomach twisting as his mind considered the possibilities in confronting about the last case.

Unfortunately, when Reid entered the house it was as empty as they had left it a few nights ago. Clooney ran up to the lanky man and jumped on his legs in recognition.

After feeding the dog and taking him for a short walk, Reid decided to stay at Morgan's to wait for him.

Settling onto the couch in his pajamas, he opened the book he'd tried to read on the plane. He passed the time like he passed each page, quickly and with ease, but Derek had never shown up and Spencer was starting to worry.

He gulped as the room expanded around him. The empty air in the house tightened his chest. Spencer knew it was because Derek's laughter wasn't filling every corner, there were no gentle touches or fierce hugs and kisses in the night.

Clooney whined and Reid stood, his heart pounding against his ribcage. Spencer's throat constricted, not sure where to start looking for his boyfriend, yet knowing he had to.

Grabbing his keys, Spencer suddenly knew exactly where to start. One of Derek's properties.

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It was four in the morning. Reid had driven all over God's creation, checking all of Derek's properties for any sign of the man. He'd come up short every time.

Now he cut the ignition in front of the final property. Derek had to be here, if he wasn't...then Reid didn't know where he'd be.

Spencer trudged to the door, exhausted mentally and physically from lack of sleep. He could only imagine the lethargy Derek had to be experiencing at the moment.

Reid knew his best friend. That man would not be sleeping right now.

As he pushed the unlocked door open, Reid knew that Derek was walked through the house, trying to find him. He pushed open door after door, hoping to find his lover.

Each room had something torn apart or in the process of being redone. Clearly Derek's thoughts and mind were disorganized at the moment.

Spencer scolded himself, reminding his brain to stop profiling the team. He pushed open another door, about to give up when he saw Derek by the window.

He was looking at the sky. Words from the last case struck Reid and he wasn't sure if Derek looking to the sky was overcoming fear or letting Buford continue to control him.

"I was worried about you." Reid said in a quiet voice, Derek didn't take his eyes from the starry night sky.

"What're you doin' here, pretty boy?" Morgan asked. The joke was almost in his voice. Almost.

"I waited for you at your house. You never came and I went out to look for you."

"Took you a while to get here." Derek noted, no animosity, no anger in his voice.

"Of course, you are at the last property I checked."

"You went to all of my properties."

Reid walked so he was standing next to the man, "Of course I did. You aren't getting rid of me that easy." One side of Spencer's mouth turned up slightly, and he pulled Derek into a hug.

Their cheeks were pressed together as they held each other tightly.

"Talk to me." Reid whispered, pulling away to look at his lover.

"I thought I was better, Spence. I thought that after counseling and you, it would be okay."

The man shuddered, "I thought I was past it."

Reid grabbed Derek's hands, "your past will never disappear. Buford affected you in a way nobody else will, but new people come into your life and make it seem less significant."

The man's hands squeezed back and tears fell from his eyes.

"Come home, it's cold here. We can talk and have a warm drink." Spencer soothed, rubbing his thumbs on the back of Derek's hands.

"I think I just need to be alone now, pretty boy. Gotta sort out my thoughts."

Spencer nodded in understanding and dropped Morgan's hands slowly, "Did you know that many of the stars we see in the sky have already burnt out? We can't tell many times because stars are billions of lightyears away, yet new ones are being born at the same time and we wouldn't know."

Derek only shook his head absentmindedly.

Reid ignored the dismissal of his comment and moved to stand next to the man looking out the window.

With two fingers he lifted Morgan's chin to look at the sky with him, "New stars are lighting all the time, others are dying."

"Why are you saying this to me?" Morgan's eyes were moist with pain.

"The past is gone, Derek. Look up to the sky."

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_"Stars, too, were time travelers. How many of those ancient points of light were the last echoes of suns now dead? How many had been born but their light not yet come this far? If all the suns but ours collapsed tonight, how many lifetimes would it take us to realize we were alone? I had always known the sky was full of mysteries—but not until now had I realized how full of them the earth was."_

_-Ransom Riggs_

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**Please leave a (kind) review! I'd really appreciate it! Thanks for reading! **

**-Ijustwantyoutoknow**


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